Chapter Ten     Two-Sided Submission

There are many people who have made much out of the fact that the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians chapter five, that wives are instructed to submit to their husbands. They stress that it’s the woman’s responsibility to obey her husband. But in doing so they seem to completely ignore the passage that says, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (See Eph. 5:18-21).

If we go back and read at verse one of the very first chapter we learn that these passages were written by the “Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus” (See Eph 1:1).And let’s notice the fact that this letter that was written by Paul to a Church of believers which was at the city of Ephesus, as well as to those who would follow later on down through time even to us here today who are referred to as being “the faithful in Christ Jesus.” And we should always be mindful of the fact that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works” (See 2 Tim. 3:16-17).

These things are written to every Child of God, but especially to those who are believers in the Church Kingdom of God! This essential element must be applied to every relationship that we experience in our lives, but the apostle Paul specifically applies them to the marriage and family relationship. When we, as one man and one woman enter into our wedding vows, have entered into a relationship that demands a lifetime of mutual submission to one another. That’s right this is a TWO-SIDED SUBMISSION! Submission goes both ways!

Beloved, there can never be any real love without this mutual submission. Without mutual submission the love that we feel will quickly die away and subside, leaving in its wake only loneliness and despair; that’s because submission and real Godly love go hand in hand. There can never be one without the other.

We are told in 1 John 4:8, 16, that “God is love.” And how do we, who live our lives in the Church Kingdom of Heaven really and truly know that God loves us? Because Jesus Christ, with great love, and “being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: being found in fashion as a man, but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: He humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross” (See Phil. 2:5-8).

In the marriage and family relationship the husband and wife are to be submissive, asking what the will of God for them is. And beloved I add again that this is a process of growing in the “mind of Christ,” which creates in them mutual submission.

•        MARRIAGE is a GIVE and TAKE relationship – NOT just take.

•        MARRIAGE is a STRUGGLE of WILLS.

•        MARRIAGE is CUTTING OFF our SELF-WILL and becoming a SERVANT to ONE ANOTHER.

•        MARRIAGE is a GIVING UP of what we WANT in favor of GIVING IN to what the other NEEDS.

•        MARRIAGE means loving when we DON’T FEEL VERY LOVING.

•        MARRIAGE is FORGIVING even when we are HURT.

And so in the real world of the here and now, what does all of this mean to us? It means that the wife has no right to look at her normal duties as being somehow beneath her dignity.

You dear sisters must not see yourselves as being just a maid service just because God has designed these duties for you. No, you must view them as being what they are! They are a blessing from God your Creator and heavenly Father. And then you dear sisters will experience the Joy of fulfillment that comes only in obedience to God. Your joy will come from living the role that God has prepared for you. And you will find that “strength and honour” will be your “clothing,” and God will bless you to be able to “rejoice in time to come.” And He will grant you dear sisters His great “wisdom.” And teach you the “law of kindness.” And as you are looking “well to the ways of your own household,” and do not eat “the bread of idleness,” then your own ‘children’” will ‘arise up, and call’ you ‘blessed.” And your husband will praise and honour you too!

There can be no better blessing than that which is given by God. The world can and will offer you what it says is better for you. But believe me dear ones what they really have to offer  you is a sham and a deception which will sound like a good thing in the beginning, but will only end up leaving you empty and unfulfilled, still looking for something to fill the void (Read all of Prov. 31:10-28).

But the husband is also not to look at his house as being his own private castle, with everyone who lives there, including his wife and children, as being his loyal subjects. But he is to have the mind of Christ Jesus “who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.” And so we husbands must take the view that every day is an opportunity to humble ourselves and to become a servant to them all. Yes, dear brothers, husbands are to serve their family. They are to love their wives as in the same way that “Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.” He came down from heaven and laid aside His glory, and became a servant to us, doing for us what we could never do for ourselves. Jesus Christ said that He did all things not according to His own will, but according to the will of His Father (See John 6:38).

Yes, this submission is a two way street, and it must flow back and forth between the husband and the wife. This submission must be mutual. Each one looking for the others best interest out of love. Beloved, mutual submission is an essential part of the marriage and family that works.

In the next chapter we will try to look at the necessity of open and unobstructed communication between the husband and his wife.