Chapter Fifteen      The Children

So now we come to the last chapter that we will be looking at in relationship to the marriage and the family. And in so doing it becomes necessary that we undertake to give a definition of what God has designed, and referred to as a family. A family as designed by God consists of one man and one woman who have come together in Holy matrimony in the sight of God, and before the witnesses of men as husband and wife. And in keeping with God’s commandment to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,” have given birth to their children. 

A family is made up of one father, one mother and their children. In Psalms 127:3-5, Solomon writes, “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”

But that is not to say that those husbands and wives who for whatever reason, God has not chosen to grant the gift of children, are not a family, yes, dear one’s they too are also a family. But our goal here is to view the family as it relates to the aspect of having children.

It is abundantly clear in the scriptures that God has designed the husband and his wife to exist as a family, and that the view of God is one that includes children. Remember God created Adam and Eve, and His very first instruction to them was to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (See Genesis 1:28).

Marriage by its very nature is designed to include children. In fact the scriptures plainly declare that they are to be viewed as being “heritage of the LORD,” and not only that but every single child is from their conception to be considered by their mother and father as being a “reward” or “blessing” sent to them directly from the hand of God from heaven.

We find one of the earliest commandments of God to the Children of Israel is in connection to the family was that they were to teach “the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD” their God had commanded them. And God said, “hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thy heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sitteth in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down’ (to go to bed at night) ‘and when thou riseth up’ (in the morning). ‘And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates” (Deut. 6:4-9). 

What does the Lord picture for us here in this passage? Can we see a family: A father and a mother along with their children all first thing in the morning, as the sun is just starting to come up. And what is that sound that the children hear coming from the kitchen? Softly at first, then slowly growing a little louder, why its hardly heard at all, the little children hear the soft voice of their mother as she is preparing their morning meal, singing, “Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.” No, she’s not the best singer in the world, but these softly spoken words sink deeply into their little hearts. And although they don’t know it now, but the love that they are seeing expressed will most likely remain with them long after she has left this old world and has passed on to be with the Lord in glory.

Later on that same morning as they are sitting down to breakfast, Mama says, “O.K. now let’s settle down and bow our heads, “Lord” she says, “thank you so much for all the blessings that  you have given us so far today. Please bless Angela and Virginia while they are taking their math test today, and please be with Thomas as he is doing his math, because he has so much trouble with his fractions. And please bless Daddy while he goes off to work today, and please bring him safely home to us again. O, Lord You are so good to us each and every day of our lives. And please help each one of us to trust in You as we go on throughout our day today. In Jesus name, amen.”

And a little while later on, after school, when the evening sun begins to set, we see Daddy sitting in his study with his Bible open reading from its sacred words. Rising up he calls his family into the room, and gathers them all around, and opens his Bible, and after leading them in a word of prayer he begins to read to them what Jesus said about little children, he reads, “suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.” (See Mark 10:14-15). And he gently explains to them how much that Jesus loves little children, and he pictures for them how He loves them too, and that they can pray to Him, and that He is always with them each and every day of their lives. Yes, even when they don’t feel like He’s there! And they all talk about the things of the Lord, and His Church.

Then at the close of the day, the sun has gone down, and Mama and Daddy are at their bedside, and praying with their children teaching them, that the Holy Ghost is watching over them, not only through each and every day, but that He sends His angels to watch over them and that “their angels do always behold the face of God the Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 18:10).

And so we see that God’s intended design was that they were to not just worship Him once or twice a year at the temple! No, they were to live each and every day in the way of the LORD. They were to have His commandments, statutes, and judgments, which He had placed within their hearts, to be expressed by their lips. This is to be from sunrise to sunset, this was to be a day in and day out experience! This was to be a family affair!

Yes, even though it might not seem like it from time to time, children are a blessing from God, and the apostle Paul writes saying “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (See Eph. 6:4)

Beloved this passage is written to fathers, but both the father and the mother must apply themselves to it. Let’s take a few minutes to look at the two parts this statement.

First, “provoke not your children to wrath” means that we as parents are not put them in an atmosphere of anger. Not that we are never to get angry, but that’s not to be the normal way of the life in the family.  And when we parents do get angry with each other, they will see that their mama and daddy work out their problems by the grace and love of God. They become witnesses that their parents don’t simply throw in the towel, and call it quits when they don’t get things their own way.

As parents we are not to subject them to near constant provocation and discouragement. This means that we are to bring them up in the grace of our God: To not submit them to an air of everyday rudeness, brutality and contempt, and in general being unkind, spiteful and mean toward them, or to each other. When they see these things we cause them to learn to be rowdy, ill-mannered and disrespectful, hateful and malicious. Living this way will ultimately teach them to be resentful and angry toward their parents and to others around them. Look around us today and see if this is the case with our families today. I think that any responsible person can see this to be true.

And dear parents, living the way that I am telling you will most certainly go contrary to your nature, that is to say, according to your fleshly desires. When we allow our children to live in this environment we in essence encourage “weeds” to grow in your family garden!”

We are to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Now the Greek work for “nurture,” is the word paidea, (pahee-di'-ah) of which we get the word pediatrics, which is the branch of medicine dealing with the care of children. The Apostle Paul is giving parents instructions of which come directly from the heart of God. He writes that we are to “nurture” our children! We are to teach them the right way to go in their lives.

Dear parents, we have entered into the covenant of marriage and family, and we have become their parents, and so we are to foster and care for them. We are to work at providing them with an atmosphere that encourages their spiritual growth and development! To do so we, as their parents are to provide them with the basic elements of family spiritual growth, where they learn by watching us as we deal with each other in a careful and loving way.

The first necessary element that is needed is the ability to understand that our children are not “little adults,” but they are children! We fathers and mothers must take out the time to kneel down to their level and listen to what they have to say.  Yes, just listen to them…give them our undivided attention.

With all the distractions that are coming in and all around us it can be really hard. You brothers and sisters who have children know exactly what I mean.  One baby is crying while the telephone is ringing, and your three-year-old is tugging at your waist with those words, “mama, mama, mama,” over and over again! Your mind races off into several different directions at once. Tell me now. And be honest, has this been your lot? Do you know what I am saying here? So you ask, “How can I possibly take out time from all that I have to do, and stop and just listen?

And you fathers are asking, “How can I possibly feel like sitting down after my long and hard day at work? I mean hey, its suppose to be the time that I am able to come in and relax, right?”

I know it’s hard, but let me tell a little secret. Here’s what you must do, go and ask the Lord to help you with this. Remember we can “do all things through Christ” who strengthens us (See Phil. 4:13). Ask Him to give you the patience that is needed. He says that He “will never leave us, nor forsake us” (Deut. 31:6; Josh. 1:5; 1 Chron. 28:20; Heb. 13:5).  And we can, and we should trust Him to keep His promises.

And after learning to listen to them we come to the second necessary element, which is, that our children need is to have our affirmation. And exactly what is affirmation you ask? Simply this, we are to uphold, and support them. To show them that we care about what they have to say. And not to simply give them a nod and grunt in response to their seemingly endless and idle chatter. But we’re to listen to let them know that we really are hearing them, and let them know that we know that they have someone who they can trust who treats them as real children of God too!!! And by doing this one little simple act they’ll learn that they can trust you. That they are able to come to you and tell you they’re deepest thoughts without any fear that you will judge them harshly: That they are accepted simply because they are your children, and that you love them.

And so by taking of this attitude of affirmation toward your children, God will bless you to give them the third necessary element, which is that they must be confirmed. Beloved, this is not some outward trapping of religious ritual. No, what we’re looking at here is a real heart felt element that comes from real faith toward God and His Kingdom Church!

To do this we must show them that we will do what we say we will do. We must be consistent in our actions and thoughts concerning them as well as to those who are around us. Let them see and experience your faith toward them and toward God.  Let them see that relying on faith is a habit that they too can and should learn to rely on. And in seeing this pictured in you they will learn first-hand that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (See Heb. 11:1). They will see that they too, like you, their parents, can rest on that real substance, which is, called faith.

And having been confirmed we come to the fourth element that is needed which is security. They need to know that they are safe with you: Safe in the good times, and safe in the hard times; Allowing them to grieve with you over their losses, as well as with you in yours. They need to be able to come to you with their hurts and troubles.

Beloved, they need to know that they have your loving arms to come to when they wake up at night with troubling dreams. When they are frightened they need to know that you have also been afraid too.

They need to know that you understand how hard it is when they try real hard, but they aren’t able to make an A on their report card, but with all of their efforts and struggling they make a C+. And that you will be on their side to help them to do better next time.

I recall when my mother died. How that my daughter who sat beside me at the funeral was there for me to hold on to. There I was a full-grown man of 33 years old, and I needed to have her to share my pain with. And I found that she also needed to be there to comfort me. What a wonderful blessing that we had in the bearing of one another burdens in our mutual loss. I had lost my mother. But she had lost her grandmother. And by being able to hold on each other we were both able to fulfill the law of Christ.

The fifth element is stability. They need to have boundaries in their lives, in order that they are safe in their world. They will know that to be within these set limits they are safe and secure. We as parents must provide them with clear and loving landmarks that they must not pass.

And in order for us as parents to do this we must learn by the grace of God to be firm and consistent in accordance with our beliefs and standards. What we tell them absolutely must conform to what we believe to be the truth in our lives. We must be firm in our directions and instructions that we give our children: For example, when bedtime is at nine o’clock on school nights; Then it must not be ten o’clock, and must never become 11 o’clock when they put on the pressure to have you change it. And it cannot be nine o’clock on Tuesdays and then on Thursday become ten o’clock again.

And we must be like our Good Shepherd and lovingly lead them (not drive them) along the paths of righteousness in the Church Kingdom of Heaven, teaching them right and wrong in the world according to God’s word the Holy Scriptures. We ought to teach them that the ways of the world are harmful to them and should be avoided because they are not of Jesus and His Church. We must learn to communicate with them the understanding that the word yes means yes, and that no means no, “for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil” (See Matt. 5:37).

The sixth element is forgiveness. We as parents must display forgiveness. The husband and father, and the wife and mother, must display forgiveness one toward the other. And the children must know that they can and will receive forgiveness from you as well when they come to you and ask for your forgiveness, just the same way that they would from God for their errors.

And all of this leads us to the seventh and last element, which is confidence. Allow them to come to you with the full assurance that they can rely on you (as much as is humanly possible) to be discreet, not rash, but to be wise in avoiding the errors of the world: That you will be heedful of their concerns. And that they can that trust your good sense and judgment when they need and ask for your guidance.

And in the using of these seven necessary elements you as their parents will be displaying to them the love of God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, showing that the church is a vital part of what a real family is to them. Solomon says in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

And in closing let me say that I have not given you everything that needed to be a parent, but I have given only the essential elements that are to be built upon by and through the grace of God. And beloved, remember that “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (See Matt. 7:11)

God bless you in your marriage and family.